July 19, 2004 - 4:25 p.m.
This is going to be so vague, so, as Dave says, cope.
Say you have a friend (“I have a friend” “You liar.”), we’ll call her Sally. You and Sally meet, and you get along reasonably well. You gradually get to know each other over the course of three years. After said three years, you feel pretty close to Sally, like you could tell her just about anything. Slowly, you notice a change in Sally. Maybe she’s just growing up, as we all do, maybe she’s just growing, but overall, Sally’s turning into a hurtful bitch who wounds you every time you have a conversation. Finally, Sally says the unthinkable, cutting you to your core, hurting you so badly with her words that hearing her say the unthinkable literally takes your breath away. You are so amazed and shocked you decide you’ve had it with Sally and decide you are through.
Time goes by, as it does, and you kind of miss those witty conversations you and Sally used to share. You haven’t forgotten the ten thousand insults she lobbed at you surreptitiously, nor the unthinkable, but you miss that bond you and Sally shared. As much as you miss Sally, and the fun you two had that no one else could ever comprehend, much less recreate, you know that any kind of contact you make with her is only going to lead to more hurt feelings on your part and complete obliviousness on her part.
Which kind of makes the insults all that much worse, because how could someone who seemed to “get” you so well think it was okay to say those kind of things to you? Toxic friend. I need to remember that. Toxic.
Maybe that wasn’t so vague after all.
The house is still going up in fits and starts, luckily more starts that fits. The drywall is in and they’ve been working on plastering the inside walls. Every Saturday I go up to check on the progress, the reality of owning my own house seems a little more real. I’m still out of my mind with impatience. I just want to move in already.
Unfortunately, Wampa just let me know that we’d only have $2,000.00 to move in with, instead of the $15,000.00 I’d be quoted previously. Quite the setback, if you ask me. Trust me, the riot act, she was read. Apparently, there has been more use of a credit card that I didn’t even know existed. This is our eternal problem. One of us has a healthy respect for credit and how to use it wisely, one of us does not. Now, the foot, she has been put down. That’s just it. I’m so tired of having to write this same series of words. It feels like I write them every couple of months.
On a positive note, living with my sister is starting to settle in. I’m becoming accustomed to it. I was really worried that I would never adjust to it, but it feels good to be able to stop waiting for the house to be finished. Don’t get me wrong, I’m still impatient, but less hopeless feeling about it.
Reading back over the last little while of my journal, I see the need to update several topics.
- I redeclared this year, The Year of No Fear. As soon as I master fear, I may take on Sexay.
- In keeping with this years’ theme, I also recently visited a club. Yes, I’m this old and still never been to a club, even though I grew up in this pretentious college town. I have some incredible friends with plenty of clubbing experience who took me under their wings and made sure I had a great time. And I did. I never realized I actually liked dancing. I just cut loose and shook my groove thang. It was awesome.
Shorter list than I anticipated.
previous - next
