April 23, 2003 - 11:52 a.m.
Seriously. Soul patch, gotta go, guys. Its not “cool”, or “hip” or anything that will make you more than you are. Its disgusting. Don’t even get me started on the whole “flavor saver” issue. Gross. Shave those five hairs and move on.
I’m a secretary. Every job I’ve had since I started working six years ago has been, at least in some small part, secretarial. I’m a perfectionist at heart and have a desperate need to please, two reasons I think I became a secretary.
I give my best effort to every task I’m asked to do. I double check and proofread all my work. I never miss a deadline. In fact, often times people get direct turn around on projects I’m asked to take care of. Knowing the secretaries I have known, I know this is extremely rare and very valued.
I never receive complaints about my work, sometimes my personality, but never my work. I never receive complaints about my attire or my work station. I am extremely polite and patient with every phone call I answer. I do my absolute best to make sure the image I present to anyone visiting my workplace is one of cheerful and helpful professionalism. I do all of this, and more, (much more,) for barely enough to cover my very modest expenses.
All that being said, I feel confident in saying I’m a good secretary and I would even tentatively venture to say I’m a great secretary.
Secretary’s Day is sort of a birthday, in my opinion. It’s the one day a year the people secretaries serve should take a little time to make sure the secretaries know they are appreciated and loved. Kind of a little; “We know you the one person (or one of the people) who keep this office working. We know without you working in this place would be very difficult as we are incapable of making copies and coffee, sending faxes and email, fixing broken items, finding answers for ourselves, and running our own errands, among other things.” At least, that’s what I think.
From the evidence, I’m the only person who thinks this way, outside of other secretaries, of course. Every single Secretary’s Day is a huge disappointment, like waking up to have everyone forget your Sweet 16 (done).
Not that people forget, exactly. Sometimes, forgetfulness would be preferable to what you receive. You’ll get the obligatory cheap ass secretarial luncheon you’re required to attend along with all the old, embittered lifer secretaries. You’ll have the honor of sitting with the crinkly bitches as they grumble at the cheap ass food and their hysterectomies. You’ll get the 99 cent thank you card signed by all the people you work for. Not signed with actual “thank you” message, just a quick “Thanks a lot!” and their named scrawled beneath. If you’re extra special, you may get a potted plant, half wilted and dying, or a ten dollar gift certificate to a restaurant you could never afford, even with the generous donation.
For all the work and dedication and freakin’ HEART I put into my job, damnit, I deserve more. I’ve earned something more than a perfunctory “Oh, yeah. You do work here, don’t you.” From now on, I demand the following every Secretary’s Day;
- Screw the bargain bin cards you picked up on the way in to work this morning. I don’t want to see another stinking card.
- Instead, I would like one envelope with a twenty dollar contribution from every person a work for. I don’t think twenty dollars is much to ask for an entire year of service with a smile. I want the contributions in cash, no checks, no gift cards to stores I wouldn’t ever patronize.
- I also want a white rose for every year I’ve worked in the office placed in a beautiful vase on my desk before I arrive in the morning. Since I never seem to stay in one office too long, I don’t see this ever becoming all that expensive.
- In addition, I would like a fifty dollar gift certificate to a restaurant of my choosing, so I can enjoy a meal with people I enjoy being with, at a date and time that better accommodate my schedule.
- Finally, I would appreciate the afternoon of Secretary’s Day off. How inconsiderate is it to have secretaries work on the day set aside to appreciate their work? I don’t need the whole day off, how else will I pick up all my gifts? Just the afternoon will be sufficient.
Employers, please take note. I think these few simple requests will begin to help fill the hole created day in and day out by the stresses and irritants of being a secretary.
This is my manifesto.
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